Sunday, July 20, 2008

blog 650. another milestone i guess. NOT.

went to catch the dark knight yesterday. the movie was awesome i have to say. ran into pauline and desmond. yea. back to the movie. i guess the movie wasnt awesome for the coolness of the new bat suit or the bat pod. but i guess this movie emphasizes on characterisation, runs deep on social themes, symbolisms and the human psyche. looks like my kinda movie huh. it goes right up there with sweeney todd, iron man and transformers under the list of favourite movies since the oceans series and the LOTR trilogy, thou the transformers was mainly cus of the CGI effects.

anyway. it was an interesting thought, that under dire circumstances, two boatfulls of people, one criminals and one civilians could do much better, wrestling with their inner demons and selfish thoughts as compared to one man, the man they looked up to and was supposedly incorruptible. and then again. life often presents us with choices we dont wanna make. ponder ponder..

ok. i m on 3 day mc. tendinitis in my knee and in my achilles heel. shin splints and acute back strain. severe pes planus with pain at the heel and arch. yeap. that probably sums up my injuries that gave me a 6 month temp downgrade 3 months of status excuse off rmj, heavy loads and outfield. not the nicest feeling cus i feel disabled. cant play soccer. face the possibility of losing fitness. initially, i was thinking of just down pesing for flat feet and coming up with some crap. but then through 2 weeks of cec training. everything got worse. went to see a specialist. and my muscles are at this state at this point in time. i cant even do stairs or hanging clothes without some form of discomfort. and in all honesty. it is quite depressing. i m mean like, i m probably on course for a post out, which was wad i had always hoped for. but now i start to question. would i prefer not to have these injuries and carry on, healthy and normally. ponder ponder..

i woke up at 0515 this morning. went back to bed. maybe its cus i m kinda tired out with life la. u know. i cant seem to be honest and pour out my feelings to u, without u feeling like i m blaming u, or getting disappointed then trying but failing to hide it and making me feel so distressed by the fact ur evening trying cus its not working. sometimes i also dunno if i can share that much with u anymore la. then at one point in time, u said u would help. when i eventually asked u to, u didnt. the excuse is it means different things to different people. well. u could have found alternatives and many options and ultimately choose the most suitable. or was zouk to accompany a fren a more appealing kinda help to u. ponder ponder..

in recent weeks. been really kinda overwhelmed. life as a christian. life as the son of my parents. life as the boyfriend of my girlfriend. life as a soldier of the SAF. life surrounded by Poly and Phd people. life surrounded by ITE people. i kinda used to live in my small little idealistic hole. and now that i m exposed to the real world. funny how a person who used to think he was so orientated suddenly seems so lost. u know. the other day. i was sitting under the inclined pull up bar. and i saw this little ant scurrying about. i was like thinking. arent i like some ant. in the nest, i feel at home, i feel like i know everything, i feel like i m not control. its my world, and its my size. it is within my capacity and my capability. i m probably one of the best, in the world of ants. but out of the nest in the real world. overwhelming. crossing from one end to the other end of a metre wide concrete slab must have been the greatest challenge of the buggers life. cus i saw it running around in circles. and as an ant. suddenly. life could throw something out of the blue. like some dumbass human hand (that belonged to yours truly), and have it smack right on top of u and almost kill you. so i sat there and saw it sorta limp. and i was thinking. its gonna die man. little did i know, after like looking up to listen to my commander talk for about half a minute. the bugger was gone. life is definitely overwhelming. shit definitely happens. but i guess from one of the smallest organisms visible to our naked eye with the potential to crawl up our pants and bite our asses, we can learn a thing or two about perseverance, we can learn a thing or two about surviving overwhelming circumstances. perhaps. and perhaps not. experiences and exposure can really be the banes of our existence, or the cornerstones of our development. sometimes. its really hard to tell the difference. ponder ponder once more..

would be nice to go on a short trip overseas. just to get away and unwind. not with my parents cus they ll drag me all over the place when i m an own time own target kinda tourist. hiaz. if not for army..

|cowpoo| 8:53 AM|

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